MI: Ladies and gentlemen, up next is the match for the World tag Team Championship as we go back to the ring...
(Suddenly, the Russian National Anthem starts up on the PA as the fans begin to boo. King and Ironfist make thier way to the ring.)
SC: Ladies and gentlemen, the next match is scheduled for one fall, it is for the N.E.W. World Tag Team Championships! Coming to the ring at this time are the challengers, they hail from the Soviet Union, Ironfist Sputnik Nikita and King, The Evil Empire!
MI: these guys made an impact in the N.E.W. a few months ago and were undefeated then, and have carried that winning streak back with them a few months later. Now they are back and competing for the World Tag Team Titles on Pay Per View...
(King calls for the music to stop as he grabs the mic to a hot crowd.)
King: What I want to have right now, is for all you sorry redneck, trailor park trash Razorback Fans...
(The fans pop for the Razorbacks.)
King: To stand up and sing the National Anthem with us...
(The fans boo again as Ironfist and King start to sing out of tune. Finally, they are interupted abruptedly as "The Final Countdown" by Eurpoe starts up on the PA to a huge pop.)
SC: Thier opponments, they are the N.E.W. World Tag Team Champions, "The Man" James Oswald and "3lla" Jackson Kelly!!!
MI: And here they are! They are the Tag Team Champions of the N.E.W., but one has to ask if they can co-exist tonight. they have had their problems as of late and now they are facing their biggest challenge yet...
LN: The Man and 3lla have been the most dominant tag team for a while until The Evil Empire came back. They quickly reminded us that they were 6-0 before thier first departure, and have since continued that winning streak.
(The Tag Team Champs get in the ring and the bell rings as all four go at it.)
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
The Evil Empire v. "3lla" Kelly & "The Man" Oswald
MI: That certainly is the case, and this match is underway!!!
(King tosses "The Man" out of the ring, who lands the wrong way and is seen holding his knee. King and Ironfist double team on 3lla to the boos of the crowd. 3lla fights back and sends King roaking back with hard punches, but Ironfist regains control for The Evil Emipre with an axehandle to the back of 3lla.)
MI: Things certainly don't look good for the Tag Champs early on as The Man is being attended to by a medic at ringside and 3lla is taking a beating from the challengers.
(King lifts up 3lla and Ironfist drops 3lla with a Diamond Cutter. Ironfist leaps out of the ring and King continues the assult on 3lla inside.)
MI: The Evil Empire is dominating this match so far and.... IRONFIST DROPS THE MAN ON THE GUARDRAILS CHIN FISRT!!!
(The Man is holding his throat and Ironfist hits with a superkick. The ref makes Ironfist go to his corner as we see King drop 3lla with an Atomic Drop. King sends him down with a clothesline. King chokes out 3lla to the boos of the crowd, and the ref is back in. The ref calls for the break...1...2..3...4...5!!! King lets go. King goes to bite 3lla and the ref calls for the break again...1...2...3...4...5!!! The fans boo as the ref forces King off of 3lla.)
MI: The Evil Empire is fighting dirty tonight and IRONFIST IS IN!!!
LN: AND THE REF AND KING ARE ARGUING IN THE CORNER!!!
MI: IRONFIST WITH A MICHINOKU DRIVER ON 3LLA!!! IRONFIST IS CHOKING OUT 3LLA with the ropes!!! OH MY GOD!!!
(Ironfist leaves the ring and King goes back to the attack on 3lla. The ref notices that 3lla is hanging off the ropes and asks Ironfist about what happened...
MI: OH OF COARSE he didn't do anything...
LN: Reminds me of the "Get It?" commericals from years ago with the blind referee...
(King pulls up 3lla and goes for a punch, but 3lla blocks to a huge pop. He hits King with a punch, a clothesline and follows up with a DDT. 3lla struggles to the corner and makes the tag to Oswald. The Man is finally on the apron again as 3lla makes his way over for a tag. 3lla tags in The Man.)
MI: OH MY GOD!!! THE MAN IS IN!!! THE MAN IS IN!!!
(Oswald comes in like a house of fire, nailing Sputnik with a right hand, knocking him off the apron. The Man then turns back and locks the "Who's The Man?" onto King.)
MI: OSWALD IS GOING FOR A QUICK FINISH!!!
LN: WHAT THE HELL???
MI: THE EVIL EMPIRE'S REIGN OF TERROR MAY BE OVER!!!
(3lla jumps up from the corner and pulls Oswald to his feet, then hits a face first Rock Bottom (like the Stroke but lifting him then slamming) on Oswald and pulls King onto him allowing him to get the pin.)
MI: WHAT THE HELL???
LN: OH MY GOD!!!
(The ref counts...1...2..3!!! The fans boo as The Evil Emipre gets up and celebrates.)
SC: The winners of the match, and NEW N.E.W. World Tag Team Champsion, THE EVIL EMPIRE!!!
MI: The Empire Strikes Back tongiht and wins the World Tag Team Championships from what would have to be considered to be one of the most dominant tag team sin history and...
(While Evil Empire celebrates, 3lla beats Oswald down, tossing him over the top rope.)
MI: And now 3lla is beating on Oswald!!!
(3lla pulls Oswald over to the Canadian Broadcast Booth and does the same reverse Rock Bottom Move from earlier sending Oswald through the booth. Trash and debris shower 3lla as he stares The Man down for a long minute before strolling to the back.)
MI: MY GOD!!! OSWALD JUST DEMOLISHED HIS TAG TEAM PARTNER!!! WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT???
(3lla makes his way to the back and the medics check on Oswald. We cut to the back, 3lla is seen leaving the arena in a quick stride heading toward his Cadallac Escalade. 3lla tosses his gym bag into the backseat. Spliff and The Guy Who's Name No One Knows can be seen inside the vehicle as Kelly climbs in and drives away. We cut to commericals for "Season's Beatings" in November.)
The Powers That Be music starts up, as the fans begin to boo wildly. Tseng steps out onto the ramp with the Hardcore title strapped around his waist. He smiles at the booing fans, and brushes them off as he heads to the ring.*
MI: What an impact this man has made on the wrestling world!
LN: Tseng really has taken the NEW by storm!!
*Tseng rolls into the ring, and then looks to the back, waiting for his opponent. “Back In Black” by AC/DC begins to play softly, and the fans absolutely go apeshit.*
MI: Well, here comes the big man of the oWo!!
LN: Not to mention the NEW TV champ, ironically enough, the man Tseng beat one month ago!
*Denny runs from the back, He slides into the ring, and the bell sounds.*
MI: And this match is underway! Here comes Tseng, charging, and he lunges at Denny with a clothesline, however Denny ducks! He turns around, and throws a hard right hand into Tseng’s mouth! He throws another one in there, and now whips Tseng into the ropes! Tseng comes back, and hops over Denny who lies down on the mat. Tseng comes from the other side, and is now met with a back heel kick! That sent Tseng down!
LN: Denny stomps on Tseng’s body, and now brings him back onto his feet. He throws some more punches, and a shin kick that sends Tseng into the turnbuckle! Denny goes up top, and he’s punching away!!!!
Fans: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!!!!!
MI: Ten hard fists! Denny climbs down, and now whips Tseng into the opposite corner! Oh, Tseng hits hard, and he stumbles forward! Denny is there, and he flips him over with a back body drop! Denny is going to the top, he’s up….
LN: He’s waiting up there, for Tseng to get back on his feet…Tseng is just about up now, and he turns around. Denny jumps, and LANDS A MISSILE DROPKICK! Tseng goes back down! Denny may have himself a win here, early in the match……1….2...no! Tseng kicked out in the midst of a two count!
MI: Tseng is trying to roll himself back up on his feet, but Denny kicks him in the head. He picks Tseng up now, and kicks him in the gut! He sets up, and now lifts Tseng up for a vertical suplex! No, no, that’s a HANGING vertical suplex! Tseng is still in the air, and now Denny drops him into a jackhammer position! Good lord! Denny is in firm control here! He’s got Tseng right where he wants him!
LN: He might, but you can never count Tseng out of a match, and we both know that!
MI: Tseng IS one of the toughest competitors here in the NEW, and we know he isn’t going to give up in a match too easily. Denny is up, and now he bounces himself off the ropes, and he lands a knee drop right into the face of Tseng! He’s on his knees, and now he’s throwing continuous fists right into Tseng’s forehead! Tseng is lying on his stomach, and Denny is coming behind him. He’s locking something on now, and he has him in a rear chinlock! Tseng’s neck is getting spread apart!
LN: He isn’t tapping, but he looks like he is in PAIN! He’s reaching out, and he’s trying to feel for the ropes. He’s not quite there, but still, he isn’t giving up!! He is moving forward….he is trying to slowly and gradually make it to the ropes! He’s almost there….he’s getting there….and…..HE GOT THE ROPES! He got them! Denny is forced to let go, but he still has Tseng in his power.
MI: Tseng is using the force of the ropes to bring himself back onto his feet, and it looks like Denny is backing up to the opposite side, straightaway across from Tseng. Oh, he runs at him, he charges, he’s going for a clothesline, BUT TSENG DUCKS, AND FLIPS DENNY OVER THE ROPES FLYING TO THE OUTSIDE ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR! Jesus!
LN: Denny is painfully trying to make it back up, but that hurt him. That was a large bump he took. Tseng is still leaning against the ropes, but now he gets back to himself, and he slides to the outside of the ring, approaching Denny. He takes him up, and he grips his arm around Denny’s head. Tseng walks him over near the steel steps, and bounces his head into it. Denny is dazed, and look at Tseng! He has his Hardcore Title! He has it, and now he lifts back, AND CRACKS IT OVER DENNY’S SKULL!!!! That could require stitches!
MI: That was some shot into Denny’s face! Tseng is standing there, just staring down at Denny’s body.
LN: Oh, nevermind, but look how fast he is drinking the thing. Damn, he’s finished!. Now back to the match, he goes. He’s picking up the Denny he just hit with the Hardcore title, and he’s lifting him to his feet. WAIT!! NO!!! Denny got in a low blow! A low blow! Tseng is feeling it in his soft spot! Ouch….ouch…..OUCH!!!!
MI: Jeez, calm down, Larry. Do you two have some sort of mutual penis where you both feel it down there?
LN: WHAT?! SHUT UP!!
MI: Denny is standing, and now he’s setting up Tseng’s body. He throws off half of the steel steps, and now he’s STANDING ON IT! Tseng’s feet are on the concrete, Denny’s are on the steps, and now he lifts, AND HE PILEDRIVES TSENG AND LANDS HIS FACE RIGHT INTO THE STEEL!!! GOOD GOD!!! GOOD GOD!!! Tseng may be knocked out cold!
LN: He may very well be, and Denny is trying to drag Tseng up. He has him, and now rolls Tseng into the ring, who is still feeling it from that piledriver. Denny slides in himself, and it looks like he’s making a cover……………1…………………….2………………………NOOO!!!!! TSENG SOMEHOW FOUND A WAY TO KICK OUT OF THAT!!! HE KICKED OUT!!! This man is crazy! MI: Well, he is still moving someway or another, but not very much. How did he have the strength to kick out, is my question! He gets his face piledrived onto pure steel, and still manages to break up the pin and staying alive in the match. Tseng is slowly getting up onto his feet. Denny throws a right hand into his face, and now whips Tseng into the ropes. Tseng shoots back, and ducks under an elbow smash! He rebounds off of the other side, AND JUMPS FORWARD WITH A DIVING CLOTHESLINE!! Denny is down, he’s down, and Tseng is starting to gain momentum on his side!
LN: He’s standing in front of Denny, and telling him to get back up on his feet. Denny is on his knees, and almost there at his feet. He’s finally up, and he charges at Tseng who is near the corner! He runs, but Tseng ducks down, and FLIPS DENNY OVER HIS HEAD, AND DENNY’S BODY GOES FLYING INTO THE TURNBUCKLE. HIS FACE HIT THE TOP!!! Tseng grabs the Singapore cane he placed into the corner, and sets it up on the mat. He brings Denny back, AND NOW RUSSIAN LEG SWEEPS HIM INTO THE CANVAS, ONLY ONTO THE CANE!!!
MI: Tseng is on fire here, and look, he’s going to the outside of the ring! He’s on the outside, and he’s looking under the ring. He’s got something, he’s pulling it out, and…IT’S A TABLE! Tseng has a table! He’s lifting it up above his head, and he slides it into the ring! He wants to break Denny’s back in half! The question is….what does he want to do to him?!
LN: He is up, but he doesn’t set up the table, cause Denny is back up on his feet. Tseng catches him with a right hand, and now whips him into the ropes, but Denny reverses! Tseng goes into the ropes and now he comes back, AND DENNY GIVES HIM A SPINEBUSTER!!! THAT WAS A STRONG SPINEBUSTER!!! Denny may have him……………1..........................2………………….NO!!! Tseng kicked out in the nick of time!! That was close, that was REAL close!
MI: Look at Denny, he can’t believe it. He was sure he had Tseng down for the cover, but Tseng just won’t give up! He’s still fighting. But Denny isn’t fooling around or playing games anymore, oh no! He’s setting up the table! He’s setting it up in the middle of the ring.
LN: He’s picking up Tseng now, and he throws another fist into his face! He’s setting up for The Urban Bombshell!!! He’s got the setup locked on, , AND THERE IS THE TRAIN WRECK!!! THE TRAIN WRECK!!!! RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!! THAT HAS TO DO IT…………..1……….……….. 2……………………3!!!!!! YES!!! DENNY MANN HAS WON THIS MATCH!!! HE HAS BEATEN TSENG!!!!
MI: The winner and NEW Too Extreme for TV champion…..Denny Mann…
*Denny is handed the ETV championship title and lifts it up high in the air…..We cut to the back, where a montage airs, highlighting the evening’s events so far. After several seconds, we fade back into the arena....*
MI: Welcome back, folks! It’s just about time for the match that will, no doubt, steal the show here tonight at Out of Control!
LN: That’s for sure, Mike. There is no doubt in this broadcaster’s mind that these three men are going to put each other through Hell and back again!
MI: Without a doubt, Larry.
LN: Let’s get this started!
MI: Hold your horses, Larry. They’re still lowering the top cage.
(The camera goes to the very top of the tower of steel cages, which has just finally come down.)
MI: You see that?
(Larry Nabisco is looking at a woman in the audience.)
LN: Yeah! Isn’t OMR’s mom something?
MI: OMR’s…! No! I meant the colossal structure, not twenty feet away from us!
LN: Oh…well, I…
MI: Don’t even try to save yourself here, Larry. You’ll just end up digging your own grave even deeper. If Warlock Hall heard that, you’d be in trouble.
LN: But…
MI: Just stop. She belongs to no man.
LN: Sorry…
MI: I’ll bet. Anyway, folks, the Death Times Three setup is complete
LN: Three men. Three cages. Three ladders…
MI: One winner!
LN: And what a humdinger this is going to be!
MI: You can say that again, Larry! These three men are all legends of New Era Wrestling. Each man has held the World Heavyweight Championship, among many, many other titles. Each man has been the flagship of NEW, and carried it as far as they could. Each man has an extremely large fan base, which is certainly on edge tonight, rooting for their man, here tonight in Little Rock.
LN: Very popular, yes, sir. You are correct!
MI: Don’t do the Ed McMahon thing tonight. It’s sort of creepy.
LN: Fine…
MI: We’re ready and waiting for the first man to step from the back.
(“Forest” by System of a Down hits the PA system and the entire crowd leaps to its feet as “The Franchise of NEW” himself, Ares, leaps out onto the stage.)
MI: And a huge pop for Ares!
LN: Isn’t Ares the Greek god of wine?
MI: No, that’s Bacchus.
LN: Bacchus? No, that was Mr. T’s character on the “A Team.”
MI: Larry, that’s strike two…
LN: I didn’t know there were strikes in wrestling.
MI: There will be if you keep this up! Anyway, Ares has now entered the ground-level cage and is testing the ladder to see if it’s sturdy. Ladies and gentlemen, everything NEW buys is American made, I wouldn’t expect anything less of it!
LN: American Made? Hey, that was Hogan’s theme song when he jumped to WCW! He’s Ameeeeerican Maaaaaaaaaade! He’s got the red, white, and blue running through this veins! He was born and raised in the U.S. of A! That was his song, Mike! That was his song!
MI: Yes, Larry, yes it was.
(The crowd is delighted to hear an oh-so-familiar sound, “Wish” by Nine Inch Nails and see an oh-so-familiar sight: “The World’s Sickest S.O.B.” EnFuego.)
MI: The World’s Sickest S.O.B., making his PPV return here at Out of Control. This man has revolutionized the word we now call “hardcore.”
LN: I think we should change that word.
MI: Hardcore?
LN: Yeah! I think we should say “en fuego!” from now on!
MI: Like “this match is going to be “en fuego?”
LN: Exact-amundo!
MI: Well, I don’t disagree with you that this man is a pioneer in the realm of hardcore.
LN: Ah ah ah! “En fuego!”
(Ares climbs on top of the ladder and takes a seat atop it, waving to EnFuego with a wry smile on his face. EnFuego pauses at the door.)
MI: EnFuego looks to have stopped.
LN: Maybe he’s waiting for something?
(That thing that he, and the fans, had been waiting for has just arrived: “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie hits. EnFuego darts into the cage and immediately goes under the ring, looking for something.)
MI: And the crowd goes wild as the reigning New Era Wrestling Ironman Champion enters the arena!
LN: I think they’re just psyched for this match up, Mike!
MI: I think we all are, Larry!
(GRENDEL walks down the ramp, not taking his eyes off of Ares. Ares wiggles his fingers at GRENDEL, taunting him.)
LN: Oh, just get in the damn cage and kill each other already!
MI: My thoughts exactly, Larry. Now GRENDEL has finally entered the ground-level cage and the ringside referees have locked the door. For 45 minutes, there is no way out of here for these three men: the latch at the top of the highest cage will not be unlocked until 45 minutes into the match.
LN: That means the match has to go at LEAST 45 minutes!
MI: Absolutely right, and there’s the bell! GRENDEL, lifting himself onto the apron, heading into the ring.
LN: Well, he’d better turn around, because here comes Ares!
MI: And an absolutely suicidal Flying Dropkick from “The Franchise of NEW” to “The Man They Call” GRENDEL, knocking both men to the outside!
LN: Where’s EnFuego?
MI: There! Coming out from under the ring, I don’t think either GRENDEL or Ares notices him yet.
LN: Of course not! GRENDEL’s just laying there right now, and Ares looks like he landed funny…
MI: If he broke something, it’ll be impossible to treat him for at least 45 minutes, because that puppy’s locked!
LN: Well, if he’s not hurt, it looks like EnFuego is about to change that!
MI: EnFuego has entered the ring, with…oh my God! The Throne!
LN: The Throne! A chair wrapped in barbed wire!
MI: EnFuego just brought the Throne crashing down onto Ares’ chest! Did you hear that crack?! Did you hear that crack?!
LN: It’s not over yet! He just hit him again!
MI: And again!
LN: And again!
MI: AND AGAIN!
(The crowd starts to chant “Holy shit.”)
MI: What ferocity! Ares’ chest is scratched up more than I’ve sure he’d care for it to be, and I wouldn’t doubt that he’s going to have a broken rib or two.
LN: GRENDEL’s climbing back into the ring, but I don’t think EnFuego sees it.
MI: It certainly looks that way. EnFuego’s too busy riling up the fans. And that’s going to cost him.
LN: GRENDEL’s got his arms locked around EnFuego’s neck!
MI: And he HURLS HIM INTO THE STEEL!
LN: He just tossed another human being 15 feet!
MI: EnFuego looks like he’s feeling it, he’s holding his arm. He looks a little torn open.
LN: Yeah, his shoulder is bleeding, but I’m sure someone as hardcore as EnFuego doesn’t even notice it.
MI: Doesn’t look like it. GRENDEL reaching down into the outside, pulling EnFuego back into the ring by his hair.
LN: You’d think he’d have reached down and pulled back a handful of hair. How can you pull a huge man like that up by just his hair?
MI: Well, EnFuego is the World’s Sickest S.O.B., Larry. Even his hair is hardcore! EnFuego back in the ring, with GRENDEL in control.
LN: Ouch! And a vicious Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex by “The Man They Call” GRENDEL. What? What’s this? He’s going up top?
MI: He’s seven feet tall and weighs upwards around 350 pounds! Men that big shouldn’t be up top, though could get injured, much in the same way Sid Eudy, better known as Psycho Sid, destroyed his leg. He just shouldn’t be up there!
LN: Well, Ares doesn’t seem to think so, either! Look!
MI: We didn’t see it, but Ares must have been up for a bit. I sure didn’t see it, and I don’t think GRENDEL does, either.
LN: He’s making a dash for the Ironman Champion… He leaps…
MI: AND BRINGS THE IRONMAN CHAMPION TO THE GROUND WITH AN INSANE FRANKENSTEINER!
LN: He got to that height from the GROUND, Mike. From the ground!
MI: That has got to be some sort of world record or something. You’d better call Guinness.
LN: Hey, if I’m calling Guinness, it sure as hell ain’t to get a book…it’ll be to get me some beer, baby!
MI: Ares is on the top rope…
LN: That’s where he’s most dangerous!
MI: He jumps!
LN: And he connects with a 450 Splash!
MI: Oh, it looks like he regretting that now! He’s clutching his ribs, and, by god, I’ve never seen a man make such a face!
LN: EnFuego looks like he’s getting up again. Look out, Ares!
MI: EnFuego has shambled over to Ares and the fallen GRENDEL, and is picking Ares up and Gorilla Pressing him over his head.
LN: What’s he doing?
MI: Ares counters and slides down EnFuego’s back.
LN: Whoa!
MI: Ares has just done a backflip and hit a Running Shoulder Takedown onto EnFuego’s back, all before he even knew what hit him! EnFuego goes flying face-first into the turnbuckle.
LN: And the monster begins to stir…
MI: What are you…GRENDEL is back up!
LN: For a guy that enormous, he’s pretty fast.
MI: Indeed, Larry. GRENDEL has Ares in a Full Nelson Headlock and is wrenching him to his knees.
LN: There can be no submission in this match, Mike. You need to get the belt and get the Hell out of Dodge!
MI: It doesn’t look like he’s going for a submission, Larry. Look! GRENDEL has lifted him high in the air and layed him flat with a Full Nelson Slam!
LN: Ares is just getting mauled this match.
MI: No doubt, but….oh! EnFuego brings the big man down with a Running Clothesline.
LN: He’s rolling to the outside of the ring, what’s he up to?
MI: Looking for more…yeah, more weapons. He’s tossing everything he can into the ring: a bundle of Singapore canes, another steel chair, a garbage can…
LN: A blowup doll?
MI: Well, EnFuego does everything hardcore, I guess.
LN: He just tossed a cinderblock into the ring!
MI: That can’t be good for anyone. Ares and GRENDEL are both getting up. EnFuego better do something about that soon.
LN: It looks like Ares has shaken the effects of that powerful Full Nelson Slam.
MI: He’s on his feet and makes a dash for the ladder.
LN: His chest is really scratched up from all those shots from the Throne earlier in the match. He looks like something they’d hand you over a deli counter.
MI: Well, he doesn’t look concerned about it, seeing as how he…good Lord!
LN: Holy cow!
MI: He’s just hit GRENDEL with a Senton Bomb from the top of the ladder. What’s this? Ares gets back up!?
LN: How!?
MI: That’s not even the most impressive part, he just hit the Ironman Champion with a Standing Moonsault! Oh, no! Here comes EnFuego!
LN: He has a cloth sack, what’s in it?
MI: He’s emptying it now…THUMBTACKS! THE SACK IS FULL OF THUMBTACKS!
LN: And he’s smiling! He truly is the World’s Sickest S.O.B.! And Ares just saw what EnFuego did!
MI: Now THAT is a look of fear, ladies and gentlemen. EnFuego, telling Ares to come closer.
LN: HA! Ares just scaled the ladder.
MI: Ares, the first man to get into that second level cage.
LN: GRENDEL’s moving again.
MI: GRENDEL has taken a significant amount of punishment from Ares’ high-flying attacks tonight. He rolls out of the ring as EnFuego climbs the ladder after Ares. He has the Throne in hand. GRENDEL throws the apron up and goes under the ring for something.
LN: The last thing we need is MORE in that ring!
MI: I think GRENDEL thinks differently, Larry. He’s pulling out a table! And another! AND ANOTHER!
LN: He has shoved four tables into the ring, now. What does he plan on doing?
MI: Well, he’s setting one up right now. I think he just realized that he’s all alone down there.
LN: He’s grabbing the cinderblock!
MI: And he’s heading up the ladder to where EnFuego and Ares are duking it out.
LN: Ares is trying his damnedest not to get nailed with the Throne again.
MI: Certainly there is no one faster than Ares in New Era Wrestling, so if anyone’s going to dodge that instrument of death, it’s going to be him.
LN: Don’t be too sure there, Mike!
MI: And a chairshot to the head of Ares! Ares is bust wide open, bleeding like a steer in a slaughterhouse!
LN: Just thought I’d let you know that we’ve reached the 15-minute mark right now.
MI: Christ, we still got over half an hour left before these men can even THINK of grabbing that belt!
LN: GRENDEL’s made it up the ladder and is in the second cage.
MI: But EnFuego doesn’t see him, he’s too busy beating Ares to Hell!
LN: He’s running at him with that cinderblock…!
MI: AND HE BRINGS IT CRASHING DOWN ON TOP OF THE WORLD’S SICKEST S.O.B.! OH MY GOD! HIS SKULL COULD BE CRUSHED!
LN: Did you see how the cinderblock shattered when it hit the back of his head?
MI: That’s attempted murder if you ask me! EnFuego is laying there, convulsing. My God, how sick! But GRENDEL won’t let a lying dog lie. He’s picking him up by the throat…GRENDEL BOMB! GRENDEL BOMB TO ENFUEGO!
LN: That cage isn’t looking too safe right now, Mike.
MI: GRENDEL picks EnFuego up again, a battered, bloody mess. He applies a standing leg scissors to EnFuego’s head…
LN: I smell Piledriver, Mike!
MI: But can the cage handle it?
LN: CAN ENFUEGO HANDLE IT?!
MI: He has him set up for the Piledriver…HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! GRENDEL HAS JUST PILEDROVE ENFUEGO THROUGH THE FLOOR OF THE SECOND CAGE, SENDING BOTH MEN THROUGH THE TABLE SET UP BELOW! MY GOD, THE CARNAGE!
(The fans are on their feet with a loud and sustained “Holy shit!” chant.)
LN: Both men aren’t moving…look at that huge, gapping hole in the cage. Hey, Ares is back up again.
MI: He’s walking over to the hole, surveying the carnage…oh, no he isn’t…!
LN: But he is!
MI: And there he goes! AND HE LANDS ON THE BROKEN GRENDEL AND ENFUEGO WITH AN INHUMAN SHOOTING STAR PRESS FROM THE SECOND CAGE!
LN: They’re dead! They’re all dead!
MI: If they aren’t, then they’re pretty damn close! GRENDEL seemed to take the brunt of that, because EnFuego is only clutching his leg right now.
LN: Ares is writhing in pain, first all those shots from the Throne, then all the aerial attack to GRENDEL, and now this! His chest is about ready to cave in. EnFuego just rolled out of the ring.
MI: What is that sick S.O.B. going for now? GRENDEL is moving again…
LN: Too bad we can’t say the same for Ares. He’s just laying there right now, twitching.
MI: GRENDEL is back on his feet, a bit wobbly, though. He’s making a break for Ares.
LN: Ares is defenseless! No!
MI: Too late, GRENDEL has him by his neck.
LN: Whoa!
MI: GRENDEL picks Ares up by his neck over his head and tosses him at the cage wall…
LN: WHAT THE HELL!
MI: ARES GRABS THE ROPES AS HE’S FLYING AND REVERSES! ARES HAS JUST PROPELLED HIMSELF BACKWARDS TOWARDS GRENDEL AND HIT HIM WITH A SPRINGBOARD HURRICANRANA!
LN: HE NEVER SAW THAT COMING!
MI: I don’t think anyone saw that coming, Larry! My God, I’ve never seen such a move. Ares is back on his feet, building momentum from that reversal.
LN: He’s going up top…
MI: And hits “The Man They Call” GRENDEL with a Diving Spear from up top! Both men are down!
LN: But EnFuego is still up and extremely dangerous…what’s that in his hands?
MI: Holy shit! That’s a kerosene container! What the hell is he going to do with that?
LN: He’s pouring it all over the tables…
MI: Oh, no! This can’t be! This is inhuman! This is barbaric! This is…
LN: Hardcore?
MI: Exactly, Larry. Exactly. He’s setting a table up; the kerosene is still dripping off of it. Christ, Larry. This can’t be good. Ares is up again, and GRENDEL is slowly getting to his feet.
LN: Ares is moving again, too.
MI: GRENDEL runs at EnFuego…oh! But EnFuego ducks the Running Clothesline. He spins GRENDEL around and…NINE INCH NAIL! NINE INCH NAIL! NINE INCH NAIL ONTO THE THUMBTACKS! OH, MY GENTLE JESUS!
LN: WHOA!
MI: EnFuego has just LEVELED the reigning Ironman Champion with the Nine Inch Nail into that pile of thumbtacks…GRENDEL looks like a reject from a Hellraiser movie!
LN: Well, EnFuego looks pleased with himself. And we’re at the 30-minute mark, by the way.
MI: EnFuego just rolled GRENDEL over!
LN: God, he’s trying to cover every inch of his body with thumbtacks! What a sick S.O.B.!
MI: The World’s Sickest, Larry. The World’s Sickest.
LN: Look!
MI: We were so busy paying attention to the action between GRENDEL and EnFuego, we didn’t notice Ares make it back up to the second level, and now he’s going for the third.
LN: We still have about 10 minutes until the top of the cage is even open, Mike.
MI: EnFuego grabs two Singapore canes and heads up, after Ares. But Ares looks like he’s coming down to meet him
LN: I don’t think GRENDEL has moved yet.
MI: EnFuego, already at the top of the ladder, and about to get to the second level…
LN: But here comes Ares!
MI: Ares swings down and dropkicks EnFuego right in the face, sending him crashing down to the ring below! But Ares manages to catch himself, but he’s still hanging 16 feet above the ring!
LN: Climb back up!
MI: He kicks the ladder on top of GRENDEL! Hasn’t that man already gone through enough?
LN: I don’t know, Mike. I think that woke him up. He must have been knocked out for a little bit from that Nine Inch Nail.
MI: I think you’re right, Larry. Oh, man! He’s just realized he’s a human pincushion and is not looking very happy with this fact.
LN: Uh oh, he’s just spotted EnFuego, who’s just starting to get up.
MI: He runs at him and nearly takes his head off with a Running Clothesline! EnFuego gets back up…and is taken down with a Lou Thesz Press! GRENDEL is pounding the living daylights out of him!
LN: But that’s the way EnFuego likes it, because he’s hardcore! He’s hardcore!
MI: GRENDEL, backing up off EnFuego, picks up one of those Singapore canes and holds it above his head.
(The crowd cheers, many chanting “Kick his ass!”.)
LN: Will you listen to this capacity crowd!
MI: And GRENDEL will not disappoint! He goes right for EnFuego, but wait, he’s picking him up…and carrying him over to the turnbuckle.
LN: What’s going on?
MI: He stands EnFuego up against the turnbuckle and…oh! OH! GRENDEL goes to town on EnFuego with that Singapore cane!
LN: EnFuego regrets bringing those in now, I tell you what!
MI: No doubt, Larry. And GRENDEL winds up…AND THE SINGAPORE CANE SHATTERS AS GRENDEL BRINGS IT CRASHING DOWN OVER ENFUEGO’S HEAD!
LN: Look at him bleed!
MI: EnFuego’s dazed, folks. I don’t think he knows where he is!
LN: Well, he sure knows where he’s going!
MI: EnFuego bum rushes GRENDEL, taking the big man down. God, he still has all those thumbtacks in him.
LN: GRENDEL must be running on pure adrenalin to not be feeling that!
MI: He’ll feel it come tomorrow morning, if he survives! EnFuego…WHAT THE HELL?! ENFUEGO IS BITING GRENDEL’S FOREHEAD!
LN: That’s just SICK!
MI: You won’t find a sicker S.O.B. anywhere in the world than EnFuego, this I promise you. EnFuego breaks the bite and gets off GRENDEL.
LN: Look at Ares way up there, in the top cage.
MI: He’s just waiting for the top to open up, so he can get to that belt and leave the cage. But these two men down here will sure as hell make it difficult for him.
LN: Well, he’s got about 5 minutes until they open the top.
MI: EnFuego sets the ladder up.
LN: I guess he wants to beat Ares to the belt.
MI: He has it all in place, and starts his climb.
LN: But here comes GRENDEL!
MI: GRENDEL kicks the ladder from out beneath EnFuego, sending the World’s Sickest S.O.B. flying to the outside, landing with a sick thud.
LN: You could hear that a mile away!
MI: GRENDEL resets the ladder and starts to climb.
LN: It is his belt, after all, why should he leave it to Ares to bring down for him?
MI: GRENDEL has reached the second level, passing the huge crater that he made by sending EnFuego to the ground with a GRENDEL Bomb.
LN: It’s still incredible that he did that.
MI: Ares sees GRENDEL coming up, and looks ready for him.
LN: Can you ever be ready for when GRENDEL comes for you?
MI: Why not? He’s only human.
LN: Ah ah ah! He’s MORE human than human!
MI: Good one, Larry. GRENDEL has reached the top of the second ladder, only to be met by a Baseball Slide from Ares, knocking him back down to the second level, NARROWLY missing that gapping hole!
LN: Man, he could have broken his back from that fall!
MI: That certainly would be a great loss to this entire industry. But luckily, that was not the case. GRENDEL is back on his feet…
LN: Not for long!
MI: Ares dives down at GRENDEL…oh! WHOA! GRENDEL ducks him and Ares flies into the side of the cage face first! Look at him! He’s busted wide open now, and those wounds on his chest just got reopened!
LN: EnFuego better move below, else he’s going to get a blood shower!
MI: This is intense here, folks. GRENDEL picks Ares up…
LN: He’s getting Ares’ blood all over his arms!
MI: And he throws Ares down the hole in the floor…!
LN: LOOK!
MI: Ares has done a flip in midair, landing on his FEET!
LN: What cat-like reflexes on that man! Ares is back on the first level with EnFuego.
MI: EnFuego charges at Ares…and Ares jumps over him! EnFuego runs into the turnbuckle. Wincing in pain, he turns around…
LN: Ares just did a backflip!
MI: And Ares spears EnFuego into the corner, then leaps and delivers his second Frankensteiner of the night! EnFuego is down!
LN: But Ares is still up!
MI: Ares hops off the turnbuckle, looking for something…
LN: I see what he’s looking for!
MI: Wh…I see it, too! He has it! Ares has the Throne!
LN: What’s he going to do with it?
MI: Ares, with the Throne in hand, climbs the turnbuckle again…OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
LN: TELL ME I’M NOT SEEING THIS!
MI: ARES JUST CONNECTED WITH A SKY-HIGH FROG SPLASH WHILE HOLDING THE THRONE TO HIS OWN CHEST!
(The fans erupt in an enormous “Holy shit!” chant.)
LN: He just used his own body as a hammer to drive the Throne into EnFuego harder!
MI: Ares gets off of…oh, good Lord! The Throne is stuck into Ares’ chest! Good God! The Throne is stuck into Ares’ flesh!
LN: I hope he’s had all his shots!
(Ares screams as he pulls the chair out of his flesh. The fans start to chant “He’s hard-core!”.)
MI: And yet he still stands!
(A horn is heard throughout the arena, and the hatch on top of the third level cage flies open.)
LN: We’ve just reach the 45-minute mark!
MI: Ares is slowly climbing the ladder…oh, man! Is he bleeding or what?
LN: EnFuego’s getting back up!
MI: What?!
LN: He’s laughing! He loves the pain! He’s a sick S.O.B.!
MI: The sickest, Larry. The sickest! Ares is leaning on the ropes, and by God I’ve never seen such a look of pain on a man’s face. The wound the Throne left on his chest is going to linger for a long, long time.
LN: EnFuego’s on his feet again.
MI: Which is never a good thing, Larry. He makes a brake for Ares…
LN: He just grabbed a Singapore cane!
MI: And he blindsides Ares, shattering that Singapore cane over the Franchise’s face! My God! Did you hear the sound it made?!
LN: EnFuego is really going to town on Ares’ ribs now.
MI: He’s just trying to kick Ares’ chest in!
LN: Look up there!
MI: GRENDEL is trying to get that hatch open! He’s having one hell of a time getting it open, though. Those big sausage fingers of his aren’t exactly the best suited to be fiddling around with tiny latches.
LN: No kidding! Those fingers are enormous!
MI: EnFuego, backing it up, using the ropes for added momentum, kicking him out of the ring.
LN: GRENDEL should have opened it by now…
MI: He’s still having trouble there. EnFuego walks over to the tables, still reeking of kerosene.
LN: He’s setting them up and stacking them, what’s he doing?
MI: He has a tower of kerosene-soaked tables, two tables high set up at the edge of the ring and another one off to the side…JESUS CHRIST!
LN: HE JUST LIT A MATCH AND SET THE TABLES ON FIRE!
MI: THE LOWER LEVEL OF THE RING IS A RAGING INFERNO!
LN: Will you look at the expression on GRENDEL’s face! If there’s ever a look that epitomizing the phrase “WHAT THE HELL???”, this is it!
MI: GRENDEL just had a huge gust of hot wind fly up his tailpipe, and I can’t imagine he’s too eager to get back down there any time soon.
LN: EnFuego’s laughing! Listen to him! He’s sick!
MI: My God! What does he plan on doing with those tables?
LN: It can’t be good, I tell you what!
MI: EnFuego, grabbing the Throne, and climbing the ladder.
LN: Ares is crawling back onto the apron.
MI: He just noticed the inferno in the ring. Now THERE is a true look of fear.
LN: He’s back in the ring, and slowly climbing the ladder.
MI: God, look at his chest! It’s still bleeding!
LN: Well, take a look at GRENDEL and EnFuego! They’re not exactly walking around without their share of slashes and gashes.
MI: EnFuego has made it to the top level, just as GRENDEL managed to get the latch open and crawl out. Ladies and gentlemen, GRENDEL has left the cage!
LN: It can only go downhill from here!
MI: GRENDEL is reaching for the belt…and he has it. GRENDEL has the belt.
LN: Not for long! Don’t turn around now, GRENDEL!
MI: GRENDEL GETS SMASHED OVER THE HEAD WITH THE THRONE! THE BIG MAN IS ON HIS KNEES, CLUTCHING THE BELT TO HIS CHEST!
LN: ANOTHER CHAIRSHOT! AND ANOTHER!
MI: OH MY GOD! OH MY GENTLE JESUS! THIS IS INSANE! THIS IS ILLEGAL! THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS…
LN: Hardcore?
MI: Yes! Yes! Yes! This is hardcore! “The Man They Call” GRENDEL has just received an astounding and obscene THIRTEEN SHOTS TO THE HEAD FROM THE THRONE!
LN: He is bleeding like there’s no tomorrow!
MI: He’s bleeding to death, if you ask me, but GRENDEL does not know where he is. He probably has a concussion, AT LEAST, I tell you.
MI: Watch the f-bombs there, Larry! But yeah, he is really messed up right now. His face is badly torn up. His head is badly torn up. The man is just torn up!
LN: EnFuego just yanked the belt from GRENDEL’s hands!
MI: EnFuego makes a break for it, but here comes Ares!
LN: HOLY COW!
MI: Ares just grabbed the latch and used it to swing himself up and deliver a VERTICAL DROPKICK TO ENFUEGO’S MIDSECTION, SENDING THE WORLD’S SICKEST S.O.B. FLYING BACK!
LN: He’s teetering on the edge! He’s going to fall!
MI: No! He’s not! He just balanced himself! Good God, that could have been a career-ending injury!
LN: Oh, unlike EVERYTHING we’ve seen these men to do each other tonight?
MI: Ares is making a dash for EnFuego, I think he’s going to knock him over!
LN: Watch out…oh!
MI: GRENDEL snaps back to life and hits the Franchise with an Upward Shoulder Takedown.
LN: How is he still conscious?
MI: How is he still alive, that’s my question. But the big man stops Ares in midair, knocking the wind out of him.
LN: EnFuego wants in, I think!
MI: EnFuego winds up…oh! GRENDEL ducks the Throne, leaving a clear path to Ares’ skull! My God!
LN: EnFuego closes in for the kill…
MI: Only to be scooped up by “The Man They Call” GRENDEL…Death Valley Driver! Good God, GRENDEL just hit a Death Valley Driver onto EnFuego!
LN: And EnFuego landed right on top of the Throne!
MI: Oh, my gentle Jesus…and EnFuego is laughing again! He loves pain!
LN: He’s addicted!
MI: GRENDEL is picking EnFuego up over his head…Jesus, the Throne is stuck into EnFuego’s back!
LN: That’s perverse…! Ares is moving again! How is he moving? And for an entire hour, nonetheless?
MI: It seems so much longer than that…how time flies when men are beating each other to a bloody pulp…
LN: GRENDEL is holding EnFuego over his head by the edge of the cage!
(Camera flashes go off all over the arena.)
MI: And Ares is back on his feet…he’s grabbed the Ironman belt…and…OH MY GOD!
LN: HOLY SHIT!
MI: ARES JUST SPEARED GRENDEL FROM THE BACK, BRINGING ALL THREE MEN DOWN, CRASHING THROUGH TWO CAGES…
LN: LANDING SMACK-DAB INTO THE TOWER OF FLAMING TABLES! HOLY SHIT!
MI: Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve never seen anything like this…EVER. In all my years of commentating and as big a fan of this sport I am, I’ve never EEEEEVER seen this brutality in a match!
(The entire arena is on their feet, rabidly chanting “Holy shit!”. The chant lasts for several minutes.)
LN: None of them are moving, Mike. I fear for the worst…
MI: The fire’s died out, but only because three human bodies have smothered the flame… Wait a minute…
LN: What is it?
MI: There, I see movement…
LN: I see it, too!
MI: But who is it? It’s hard to tell through the smoke and broken wood…
LN: I see an arm…
MI: But who is it?
LN: A head’s coming up…
MI: It’s EnFuego! THE WORLD’S SICKEST S.O.B. IS STANDING UP WITH THE BELT! He’s trying to climb over the human wreckage.
LN: EnFuego is going to make it! EnFuego is the next Ironman Champion! This man absorbs damage like no other!
MI: He’s on his feet, making his…NO! GRENDEL GRABS HIS LEG! ENFUEGO JUST FELL FACE-FIRST ONTO OF HIS OWN THUMBTACKS!
LN: I think these men just got dropped by their insurance providers about now!
MI: Why not? They’ve dropped each other onto about everything else tonight!
LN: GRENDEL wants his belt!
MI: The Ironman Champion is trying to wrest his own belt from EnFuego, but EnFuego won’t give it up. Both men, now covered in thumbtacks…
LN: This is borderline insanity!
MI: Borderline? This is insanity at its best, only in NEW!
LN: GRENDEL is pounding EnFuego into the ground!
MI: And guess what? He’s laughing! He’s just so sick…
LN: The sickest!
MI: GRENDEL finally takes that belt away from EnFuego and is making a break for the door!
LN: Not if EnFuego can help it! God, we’ve reached the hour and twenty minute mark.
MI: EnFuego just grabbed a smoldering piece of wood from the tables and thrashed GRENDEL in the leg with it! The big man stumbles a bit, but it’ll take more than that to bring him down!
LN: In the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!
MI: It’s Ares! The Franchise has climbed the turnbuckle while GRENDEL and EnFuego were going at it!
LN: He’s bloody, he’s burnt, but I’ll be damned if he isn’t airborne!
MI: THE FRANCHISE DIVES AND LEVELS THE IRONMAN CHAMPION WITH A FLYING BULLDOG FROM HALFWAY ACROSS THE RING! OVER A SMOLDERING PILE OF LUMBER!
LN: And that’s not all!
MI: He’s climbing the ladder. It doesn’t look like he’s going for the belt at this point. He’s going to punish GRENDEL!
LN: But does he see EnFuego?
MI: EnFuego climbing the opposite side of the ladder with a…A FLAMING SINGAPORE CANE! EnFuego is making a bid for Ares. These men have forgotten about the gold, and are just going for the glory!
LN: That, and they just want to absolutely maim everyone else in the ring.
MI: Ares has reached the top, but he still doesn’t see EnFuego!
LN: Ares is about to leap…
MI: But EnFuego shoves the flaming Singapore cane between Ares’ legs and twists it, making some sort of crossbar!
LN: A flaming crossbar, or flaming crotchbar, rather!
MI: EnFuego lifts Ares up…AND LEAPS UPWARDS, COMING DOWN WITH A SITDOWN POWERBOMB FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER, LANDING ON GRENDEL! OH MY GOD! THE CARNAGE!
LN: JESUS CHRIST
(The fans leap to their feet with a huge, sustained “Holy shit!” chant.)
LN: All three men are slow to get to there feet…..But Ares makes it up first…Enfuego is still lying there in pain…….
(Ares makes his way up the first few rungs of the ladder when all of the sudden a hand reaches out from the pile of bodies below….The hand belongs to GRENDEL he reaches and grabs Ares’ ankle and pulls him off the ladder……)
MI:GRENDEL BOMB, GRENDEL BOMB, GRENDEL just powerbombed Ares ontop of the beaten and bloodied EnFuego…..GRENDEL is now climbing the ladder……
LN: He grabs ahold of the IronMan title….and pulls it down…..GRENDEL has won…..
MI: What a brutal match…..GRENDEL has done the impossible, He’s beaten Ares and Enfuego in the Death Times Three…
LN: This little respect feud is far from over Mike, far from over.
